Find the President in the Pizza

Pizza! Yum! I just came home from having some killer pizza from one of my favorite local pizza joints and popped open my browser to go online read the headlines…yeah, forget the stories, I find the headlines more interesting, don’t you?

Why just the headlines tonight? Because this is the night that Barack Obama is supposed to clinch the spot as the democratic candidate to run for President of the good ol’ U.S. of A. and I was wondering what the headlines were going to read. Were they going to be clever? cute? funny? serious? …Any intelligent puns? How many of them were going to mention “first black candidate? NO SHIT? REALLY? THANKS FOR DRILLING IT INTO MY HEAD FOR THE GA-ZILLIONTH TIME THIS WEEK!

Frankly, I’m already bored with it all because we’ve all pretty much made up our minds who we’re going to vote for months ago, haven’t we? And those of us who haven’t are either lying or the type that read a menu for 10 minutes before placing an order, and as soon as the server arrives, change their mind and get something else. (Yeah, yeah, ok, I’ve done that too. Hey, ever been to The Cheesecake Factory and seen the menu?) It’s analysis paralysis. at its best

See, I stopped watching the news on television around 1999 because I found it not only reporting pretty much bad news, but also lacking of substance and real “news.” Pretty empty stuff. I read it online now. Need proof? How many times did you see the Rwanda genocide reported? What’s a Rwanda? Ugh…

Anyway, here’s what I found if you’re curious:

Yahoo: Election pits McCain vs. Obama
(Oooh! “Pits” huh? Them’s fightin’ words! I’m on the edge of my seat!)

Google: Clinton Discusses What She Wants, but Not What She Will Do
(It’s all about Hillary, is it?)

LA Times: Obama battle-scarred, but victorious
(Wow, Drama! Such carnage! Nice touch with that reference.)

NY Times: OBAMA CLAIMS NOMINATION | Marks End of Epic Battle With Clinton
(Nice and to-the-point) Barack Obama’s epic win
(Short and sweet)

WA Post: Obama Wins Historic Presidential Nomination
(Old-school classic headline.)

Fox News: Historic Season Finale | Obama clinches Dem nomination
(Cute. Just like the last episode of Sex and the City. I’m tearing up.)

Reuters: Obama makes history with nomination
(I thought Reuters would be on a first-name basis with him by now)

MSNBC: Claiming nomination, Obama takes aim at McCain
(Different! Looking ahead. Did Don King come up with this one?)

CNN: Obama claims win, gets no concession
(She’s a tough chick, isn’t she?)

ABC: How Obama Won and Clinton Lost
(Oh good! A how-to manual! “Running for President for Dummies”)

BBC: Obama claims Democratic victory
(That’s Mr. Obama to you)

CCC: just kidding 🙂

S.F. Chronicle: Obama Makes History
(C’mon, it’s San Francisco, you knew they’d play the race card.)

KKK website: Ku Klux Klan DOES NOT Endorse Barack Obama for President
(I swear to god I copied and pasted this from File this headline under D for “Duh” or “Dorks”. Your choice.)

I hope one day that race, gender or sexual preference is not made a big deal of in something like an election. For me, it’s not and I’m guessing for a lot of people, it’s the same. But you’d think it was if you follow the media who can’t help but constantly shove it down our throats by greasing all the squeaky wheels out there. And self-servers like the Jessie Jacksons, Al Sharptons and Gloria Allreds certainly don’t help by needing to make a place for themselves and constantly being asked on as pundits.

And I hope one day there’s a water-run car in ever garage, a gay black chick in every research laboratory, a champion Asian race car driver in every country, a heterosexual white male background singer in every funk band, cops without mustaches, overweight ballerinas, and a pizza on every table! Pizza! yum!!

Pizza! Yum!!


  • Jeff Snider on said:

    “a heterosexual white male background singer in every funk band” – now, THAT’S funny…. and pass the pizza will ya?

  • Gina on said:

    cute – I’ll take a slice from the side with just pepperoni : )

  • Armen on said:

    wouldn’t that be anarchy gina? lol

  • ArmenEast on said:

    Is that pepperoni made with Moose Meat? Nothing like fresh killed Moose roni…smells like victory 🙂

    The two pieces of pepperoni on Obama’s head make him look like Mickey Mouse! 🙂

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